Chapter Six: Forgiving Yourself

For·give /fərˈɡiv/ — Stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone/self) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

One thing we forget to do during a healing journey is to forgive ourselves.

Forgiveness is a profound and often challenging virtue that holds immense power to heal and transform both individuals and relationships. While self-forgiveness does not mean condoning or excusing harmful behavior, but acknowledges that holding onto negative emotions can be more damaging to oneself.

Sometimes we think we have forgiven ourselves, but we only made excuses.

We may misinterpret self-forgiveness because we discovered self love, took responsibility of past actions, or became a new person. That is it, done deal!

Truth is, it's not.

When we make a similar mistake that we have made in the past, we get triggered by the tragic outcome all over again. We torture ourselves over unnecessary toxic thoughts. The toxic emotions lives rent free in our head and eventually, it affects us externally and the people we love.

“You need to give yourself permission to be human.” - Joyce Brothers

We will continue to make mistakes even when we are in our good spot in life — we're humans. We are our worst critics and will beat ourselves over the things that did not turn out the way we want them to. Establishing self-forgiveness allows us to release the pain, shame and guilt that we held on to after the downfalls. Guilt can lead us towards understanding and admitting we were wrong because our actions does not fall within our core beliefs. Shame decreases our self-worth and confidence, making us feel uneasy about who we are as a person.

Growing up, we were taught to forgive others, but were not taught to forgive ourselves. We may not understand the other person's feelings, but we forgive others to make amends and move on with life. However, forgiving one's self is a ongoing battle because we can feel our own emotions to what we have done or have not done. Again, we will question if we deserve to be forgiven.

I have made many mistakes or have moments when I did not go forward with the things I wanted to in life, and that hurts. The what ifs makes me feel disappointed knowing that I could've done so much better. It takes me days to even months to get over the feeling of shame, guilt and regret because it is who I am naturally. As I am still learning how to forgive myself, I set some alone time and go through my thoughts when I am ready to. (It is important to do this when you are ready so you can truly forgive yourself). Yes, I beat myself hard and go through a whole cycle before I tell myself that I am human and I cannot experience true happiness if I don't forgive myself.

You deserve forgiveness.

Find the best way that works for you when it comes to forgiving yourself. That might be meditation or writing a letter to yourself. Mastering this process will help you on your healing journey to be more patient with yourself and recognize that you are still growing. Even a flower doesn't grow overnight. It takes time to bloom by nurturing it with what it needs. Do the same for yourself.

Don't forget to hug yourself today. ❤️

Thank you for reading this chapter. I hope you enjoyed the read and you or someone you know can relate. Please leave any respectful feedback. Have a blessed day!

Xoxo,